this is so fucking awful.
holy bloody fuck. I've never had an emo moment this severe before. (this is the alcohol talking, not me:)
no, I didn't get the open call.
no, I didn't get employed at Hollister.
no, I didn't get to a be a fucking presenter at the fucking TARA Awards.
yes, I'm going to act happy in front of everyone and pretend that it's fine.
yes, I'm going to pretend to be happy for those who succeeded where I failed.
yes, I feel like a fucking tool.
no, I don't want to talk about it.
yes, I'm ashamed.
yes, I'm fucking crushed and devastated.
and no, I'm not optimistic anymore.
no one is going to read this, let alone care.
yes, all anyone can say is "aw, no! it'll get better soon," and nothing can hide the sting whenever I think about this.
no, I'm not taking this too hard, you tool.
WHAT THE FUCK. I DESERVED TO AT LEAST BE A FUCKING PRESENTER. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? EVERYTHING I'VE AUDITIONED FOR OR TRIED OUT FOR SO FAR THIS YEAR HAS LET TO DISSAPOINTMENT.
maybe I'm not at the right place after all.
posted by joel at 12:36 a.m.
2 Comments:
mhmm joel I know how you feel and i'm right there with you. anytime you wanna talk -even though you say you dont- i'm right across the street. you're gorgeous and i love you - and i know it doent mean much right now but i dont love many ppl right now either. *grrr face*.
-3823 <3
Sun Mar 05, 08:44:00 p.m.
joely baby. you know i love you. you are so unhappy :( and it makes me sad. we all still miss you hear in sj and no matter how hard things get in toronto, you still have us. im not going to tell you to get over any of the things that happened because yeah, they are big disappointments and yeah, you have every right to be pissed off. hell yeah i would be too. i just hope you'll turn your frown upsidedown soon. hit me with that million dollar smile <3 hilary
Wed Mar 08, 10:34:00 p.m.
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